Daily Page: 2026-01-28

If your inner world is filled with judgment or vigilance, your brain gets the message that even being with yourself isn’t safe.

And if you’re not safe within yourself, closeness with others will feel like a risk that your system just isn’t willing to take.

Connection is state dependent, and that means you can’t feel love when your system is braced for danger. When your nervous system detects threat, your heart rate shifts, your muscles tense, your attention narrows. And then in this state, closeness doesn’t feel comforting. It feels dangerous.

A hug might feel suffocating. A compliment might feel suspicious. Love might be right in front of you, but it can’t get through. And this is why reassurance from a partner doesn’t stick, why praise feels hollow, or why you can hear I love you and feel almost nothing. It’s not that you don’t want the love. The gate is closed.

— Dr. Tracey Marks